“Best friends are like diamonds, precious and rare, false friends are like leaves, found everywhere.” (Anonymous). Many people often consider friends to be those who you may say hello to and talk to at times, hang out with occasionally and have fun being around. However, friendship is much more than those characteristics. Friendship is defined as a relationship with trust, loyalty, and respect. The three fundamentals of friendship, which work hand in hand. You have a lot of acquaintances but your friends take time to form because you need to build the foundation of friendship. Without one of the three fundamentals, you do not have the true definition of friendship.

Trust is more than what you say; it’s what you do. In a friendship, you trust your friends not only with your secrets, but you also trust that they will be there for you. Trust grows over time and becomes a major aspect in friendship. Trusting someone with a secret or your inner most thoughts takes time. It is important to have a sense of security with that person and once that has developed, you know that you have developed a true friend. A trustworthy friend is someone who raises the bar for other friends, because your expectations of what a friend can be are now measured by the high standard allocated to their degree of trust.

Without this element of trust, one may question their friendship. If you cannot trust someone, then you can not talk to them honestly. You can not tell them the things you are truly thinking; it becomes nothing more than superficial discussion. And in return you may always be worried about what they are telling you. Trust is earned, it comes over time and it comes in baby steps.

And with trust, comes loyalty. Loyalty is the ability to be there for one another. Loyalty is often viewed as the major theme of friendship. You support and stand by your friends no matter what the situation may bring. A person has to be loyal to the other person in the friendship, or else it will not work. They need to know that they will be devoted to one another and therefore are able to trust each other. A loyal friend is there when no one else has the time for you. A loyal friend is there before you even have to ask. A loyal friend is not only there for you when you are down, but that same friend is there for you once your spirits are lifted and you want to celebrate. Loyalty is an unspoken element to a friendship. It takes time to create the loyalty in a friendship, but it is that part of a friendship that is dependable and necessary.

And then there is the final component to defining friendship, respect. Like any relationship, if there is no respect in the friendship, then one would have to question if there is a friendship at all. It is a give and take; you must be able to show respect to earn it. If someone means enough to you to be called a friend, there is no reason not to treat them with the respect that they deserve. You do not always have to agree with all the choices they make, but you have to treat them with respect. When someone is your friend and you do not agree with the choices that they make the fact is you respect them enough to say I support your decision. Respect is about knowing when to give your opinion and when you know your friend needs to think things through themselves. It is being there for one another, even if you do not agree with their thoughts. I have always been taught that if you show respect you will earn respect in return.

It has been said that 'a friend tells you what you want to hear, a true friend tells you the truth.' This is often confused in the definition of friendship. Many people confuse friends as those who tell you something that you’d want to hear, but in friendship the friends are the ones who tell you the things that might not always be the easiest to say. A true friend will not always tell you what you’d like to hear but what is best for you to hear. They are loyal to you and respect you enough to tell you the truth.

I once heard the term “bury-the-body friend”. I did not know what that meant, but I now realize that it is the definition of friendship. These “bury-the-body friends”, are friends that you can trust, because they are loyal, and they are loyal because they respect you. It is that special person who you trust with your secrets, and know would always be there for you. You can tell them anything and know they will never judge you and always respect you, and your decisions. A friend is someone more than somebody you just hang out with and have fun being with. Of course those are characteristics of friendship, but it does not define the term friendship like trust, loyalty, and respect.

Edited by JeN14