I was in the midst of my grueling midterm week at Lower Merion High School. I was averaging two tests a day, and the only thing that was getting me by was the school dance that was to be held that Saturday. On Wednesday, in between the testing, an announcement came on over the loud speaker announcing that the school dance was cancelled, I freaked! It was bad news for our whole school, and I knew that something had to be done. All the students were so disappointed that I thought to myself how difficult is it to have a dance, what seems to be the problem, why such short notice?
Notice that you've yet to use active voice. In future papers give more consideration to ways in which you can minimize passive voice.
Walking through the halls to get to my next test, my friends and I heard everyone talking and complaining. I couldn’t believe it and neither could any of my friends, no one wanted to go to their next class just to sit there for over an hour to take yet another a test. I took my final test for that day, went to the lobby to meet my friends, and talked to my friends about the dance. I convinced my friends we should talk to the athletic director who was in charge of all school events. I was flabbergasted when he told us the reason the dance was cancelled was because it was mandatory to have a minimum of ten chaperones in order to hold a dance. I was livid to find out that, and the people on student council who were in charge of finding the parents, did not get enough chaperones by the deadline. My friends and I said it is time we take the situation into our own hands. I approached the athletic director once again to make sure he was aware that we were planning a dance of our own. He said that was fine, as long as I made sure it was not affiliated with the school at all. That day we each had an assignment and I called every place I could think of that could hold enough students to have our own dance. I called more places than I could count on two hands, but I persevered until I finally found the right place. The Jewish Community Center; referred to as the JCC. I knew it was perfect; it was big, it was convenient, and most importantly it was affordable.
You need to be careful about your formatting. Insert empty lines so that the reader can see the paragraphs clearly on the Wiki!
I was thrilled to hear the word about our dance was starting to spread fast. School dances normally cost ten dollars, so for the next two days, I spent all my free time during school collecting money from the students so we would be able to pay for the room. I was as excited as everyone else that the four of us had gotten together to create this dance. My experience from all the other school dances, although not permitted, is that many students tend to drink prior to entering the dance. I knew we would not be able to have ten chaperones at the JCC, but insisted on having several chaperones attend to watch over the kids. With every ticket sold I told the kids to come safe and not go crazy. I knew that we could not control them should they choose to drink prior to entering, what was now our dance.
I had spent numerous hours and a tremendous amount of effort, and the night of the dance had finally come! My friends and I spent all of Saturday preparing for the dance. I wanted it to be special so we decorated the room with whatever we could scrounge up. I hung white lights throughout the room; while my friends burnt CD’s and got together as much music as we could. I was dressed nicely and ready for some fun, it was now 7:30 PM, the kids started to arrive. I was looking forward to what was supposed to be the perfect night. No homework for the weekend, because testing just ended, and a night of fun. The dance was supposed to go until 10:30, but as you will soon find out, my master plan only lasted about an hour.
No matter how much I warned the kids, many of the freshmen came to the dance having drunk before entering. I found it ironic that the freshmen believed that because there were not as many chaperones, they could abuse how much they drank. How ironic that the failure of my dance was still the chaperones. Many of them entered the JCC out of control and but there were two in particular, that I saw, who changed the whole evening. The JCC is located in Wynnewood, an area where many people from our school live, so it was in walking distance. The first person I noticed was a freshman, who came in so drunk, I heard that she fell in her skirt six times on the way to the JCC. When she walked into the dance she had blood dripping down her legs, and had gotten frostbite because she fell in the snow. Since my friends and I had created this dance, we felt responsible for these girls. I cleaned her legs, held her head over a trashcan, and held her up for the rest of the night, until I finally called her parents. Here I was to the rescue again. The other freshman spent the hour of the dance in the bathroom as well, but I was not able to help her and the others at the same time. She was a very small girl and I had come to find she had taken nine shots, not one or two but nine shots, prior to the dance. I could barley
You mean barely. Don't hesitate to ask a roommate or friend proof your paper, since it becomes difficult after a while to find small errors in spelling and word choice on your own.
handle that she was throwing up and passed out in the bathroom, but now she had fallen onto the floor and on the way down hit her chin on the sink counter and was bleeding everywhere. The four of us had never seen anything like this, so I called for an ambulance. That’s when the dance was officially over. I watched as everyone left except for me, and those of us in charge. The police had to come and sent everyone home. Everything my friends and I had worked so hard for was now just a disaster.
It was not until this dance that even I realized who I was. Denis Waitley once said \"Determination gives you the resolve to keep going in spite of the roadblocks that lay before you.\" I suddenly realized that if something is important enough to me and I am driven, I will do something about it. I never did, and still do not, consider myself a leader yet I am not afraid about speaking up or afraid to take charge of a situation. From the very beginning, when something fell through, I took it into my own hands.
Okay. Here's the point of your narrative: you are a reluctant leader, but a leader nonetheless. The event you describe then serves as a reason supporting this claim about yourself. Generally, readers profit from having the claim up front and early. It helps them navigate any writing, and becomes especially important for arguments.
In events like this dance or group projects, if no one else is making the effort to do anything, I will take the initiative. And in the end, I took responsibility for my actions. I took care of the freshmen girls, I contacted their parents as well as the police, and when the parents, the ambulance and the police came, I stayed because I threw this dance. As disappointed as I was about the outcome of the dance, I am very proud of the fact that with the help of my friends we did our best to create this dance. It is unfortunate that two people could ruin it for so many, and that I never did really get to enjoy a dance. Yet I knew it was my responsibility to care for these girls. In the end, I view myself as responsible and accountable for my actions. I will never forget this fiasco that through it all still gave me confidence to handle other adverse situations.
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