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Page history last edited by PBworks 15 years, 2 months ago

Everybody is influenced by one thing or another when they are growing up. It may be their friends, family, hobbies, sports or school. Everybody has their own story, and this basically explains me and tells you part of mine.

Try making sure that your introduction gives a clear indication of what you're about to do.


My sister and I are about 6 years apart, so naturally I always wanted to do everything she did. When she was about 8 she decided she wanted to join our communities swim team. It was competitive, but for kids her age it was more fun than anything. At that point, I was only two, and when I was old enough to realize what she was doing every night and why I was always watching people swim, I decided that when I was old enough I was going to join the same team and swim with my older sister. So when I was 5 I strted

started: Catching these errors can be difficult. Have someone you trust read over your papers for typos prior to handing it in.

lessons and at 6 I was able to join the team. As soon as I started taking lessons, swimming soon became my favorite sport and activity. I loved it, and I wasn’t that bad at it compared to the other kids who sometimes couldn’t make the length of the pool. When I began swimming competitions I realized that I loved to compete. I would always want to win so I could get ribbons and trophies and all that other good stuff. That is when I fell in love with swimming, when I was only 6 and achieving some of the best times for our team at that time and having my name put on the record board for those times in my age group. It was exciting and I loved every moment of it. I kept enjoying swimming up until my sophomore year of high school. I was still swimming with the community swim club, but most of the time it was training for the high school season or just swimming in the high school season.

Notice how the prose contains alot of "it was" and "I was." Relying on 'it' too often presents difficulty for your reader since he or she may remain uncear as to what 'it' refers to. Rather than "I was swimming" try "I swam."

I still enjoyed it, but then the head coach of our team was fired, due to her assistant coach telling lies and getting her off the team so she could be head coach. I was devastated. The head coach had been my coach since I was 6 and like another mom for me. The assistant coach and I did not get along whatsoever. So at that point, swimming became more of a burden than anything else. Practices were boring and all I did was get yelled at. It was just not fun anymore. For my junior and senior year the new coach did all she could to ruin it for me. She denied me being a captain and gave the position to an underclassman just because I missed one practice. However, through all the drama, swimming was still a very important aspect of my life. I am not swimming for the team here and I might do intramural swimming, but I am still unsure.


Consider whether the above sentences contribut to painting a picture of yourself. What effect do they have on your audience, and is that effect the result you're after?


Family is something almost everyone finds important. When I think of family I don’t just think of my mom and dad, but also my friends that have been there for me. Family always plays a huge role in my decisions and in general my life. I have almost always gotten along with my mom and always with my dad. They are always very supportive, which helps a lot when it comes to making decisions, small or big. My mom always tried to make us a close family, and since I was about five or six she would always take me and my sister on what she would call “adventures”. We would drive in a certain direction until we would find something interesting. They were always in the summer and we would go to lakes and state parks and other such places, and my mom would pack a picnic so we could eat as soon as we found somewhere. I loved them as a child and although we do not do these “adventures” anymore, but that is something I know I will always take those memories with me everywhere I go. I believe that in all those little day

day trips

trips I learned to always make the best out of any situation. If it was raining we would eat in the car, or if it was too cold we would pack extra blankets. We never let rain, snow, heat, or the cold get in the way of us having fun. I have one sister and I consider her to be my best friend. Like I said before she is about 6 years older than me, but we are very close. We are completely different in some ways in very similar in others. I always strive to be more like here and hopefully one day I will be more like her. Then there are my friends back home, which I miss every single day. I wish they could be here with me, but they are all back home in Pittsburgh going to school there. I don’t know what I would do if I did not have my friends. I know I would have never made it through high school, and I cherish our friendships. Basically, I think family is so important to me because I always think of them and I can tell them anything, or mostly anything. I think my family just shaped me into the person I am today, and I am thankful for all that they have done for me. They have always encouraged me to do what I want and have fun and never put real strict restrictions on me. Everybody has a story, interesting or not, and everybody has a reason they are they way they are. So, I am the way I am, because of my family, and also swimming. Both things taught me the most valuable lessons, and I am so thankful for that.


What are those lessons? Making the lessons clear would help the reader understand how these activitis make you the person you are.''

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